M E R I D I A N M A G A Z I N E
The Art of Getting Everything We Need
By Richard
Eyre
Editor's note: This weekly column focuses on physical and spiritual journeys, the autumn of life, notes on life's passage, and the life of a seeker. Read the first column here. Today's column also references The Three Deceivers, a column Richard wrote for more than a year in Meridian — which is now being converted to a new book called The Three Deceivers: How Our Obsessions with Control, Ownership, and Independence are Destroying the Quality of Our Lives . To see the archive of The Three Deceivers, click here.
It is early morning on my wedding anniversary as I sit writing this column. Linda is asleep nearby, and I am overwhelmed at the love I feel for her as I think back over the 39 years we have been one.
We have just had our annual reunion at Bear Lake in Idaho, and our entire 35-member family was here with the single exception of our youngest daughter Charity, who is serving her mission in England (in the same mission we presided over nearly three decades ago). Life, despite its challenges and worries, is incredibly sweet, and as I reflect on our blessings it occurs to me that it is not about how much we have (because we don't own anything); it is not about how much we control (because we don't control anything). and not about how much independence we have (because we are so incredibly interdependent on each other and so completely dependent on God).
Remember the quote, "I make myself rich by making my wants few"? It has been said by many, with slight variations, including Thoreau, and it contains a deep truth that takes us such a long time to recognize. The truth is that if we want the right things, we will find that we already have them, and that they are all we need.
Essentially, there are two ways to pursue happiness in this world. One is to adopt the measurements of the society around us and kill ourselves competing with everyone else to own more, to control more, and to need others less. These "measures of success" that we so often judge by, and are judged by, are what I call The Three Deceivers.
Control, Ownership, and Independence seem to be held up in front of us everywhere we look as the goals, as the standards, as the thing that everyone should want — and want — the things that will make us happy.
The other way to pursue happiness is to change the definition of what it is. If we consciously reject the measurements of Control, Ownership, and Independence by reminding ourselves that while they may be useful economic concepts, they are spiritual lies.
God controls all, owns all, and we depend on Him for all. If we re-define happiness as Stewardship (blessings from God), Serendipity (guidance from God), and Synergicity (trust and dependence in God's timing and love), we will realize that we already have all that we need to be happy, and we will begin to focus more on gratitude and on relationships.
With true and spiritual goals replacing the goals of the world, many useful variations of the opening quote become possible:
"I make myself happy by changing my definition of success."
"I make myself rich by wanting only the simple gifts of eternity."
"I make myself joyful by recognizing and appreciating what God has already given."
One of the best interpretations of the famous couplet, "Be in the world but not of the world," is that it is possible to live in modern, secular society, and indeed to appreciate it for all it offers it, yet not to become obsessed with the same pursuits that those around us covet and seek.
Trying to own more than others, to control everyone and everything around us, and trying to be independent of those around us are telestial goals, and lead to frustration and unhappiness. CO&I are the three deceivers!
Seeking God's will through the awareness and guidance of spiritual serendipity, seeking to magnify God-given stewardships, and seeking the humility of dependence on God and interdependence on each other via an attitude of spiritual synergicity is a wonderfully radical redefinition of joy, and it is available, immediately, to us all.
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