M E R I D I A N     M A G A Z I N E

It’s Spring Tune-up Time   
By Daryl Hoole

“You’re doing the washing on your birthday?”  I was appalled.  My mother was going to spend her birthday doing the family laundry.  Such a thing was unthinkable to my five-year-old mind. 

Vowing to my young self that I would never ever in all my life do the laundry on my birthday, I felt keenly disappointed in my mother for not planning her life better. A birthday is HUGE when you’re five, and I couldn’t imagine anything important enough to interfere with the day.  

For my mother, the washing was an all-day labor — filling the Dexter washing machine’s double tubs with water, stirring up a pan of starch on one burner of the stove, warming a pan of bluing (to make the white clothing even whiter) on another, feeding each item of clothing through the wringer from the wash tub to the rinse tubs, then passing everything back through the wringer to the clothes basket and finally hanging the wash on the line to dry — and to me, it was the most unbirthday-like thing anyone could possibly do. 

It was years before I realized that maybe my mother wanted to do the laundry that day, even though it was her birthday.  Maybe my mother wanted to have clean clothing for her family even more than she wanted personal pleasures.   

Well, lots of birthdays have come and gone for me, and it has become clear that life is not really about how much fun we can have on our birthdays. It’s not even about whether we were the generation who used the double tub Dexter; or the previous one who hauled water from the spring, heated it over an open fire, and made their own soap; or the current one who just sets a dial and presses the “on” button. Life is about doing our duty, whatever it may be. It’s about serving those we love. 

If you’ve been experiencing a “wintry” mood lately because your work load is heavy, life seems dull and dreary, you’re tired of the routine, your motivation is at a low ebb, or your priorities need a realignment, perhaps a fresh perspective may help.  Following are three related situations as described by some distressed women, along with suggestions for a spring tune-up:    

First Woman: “Housework seems futile to me.  It’s like stringing beads without tying a knot in the end of the string.” 

Response: I agree.  Housework is a never-ending process.  It doesn’t last, but then neither does a shower.

One solution to overcoming what some perceive as the futility of housework is to focus on the big picture. Remember the old story about the workmen laboring to construct a building? One said he was cutting stone, another said he was building a cathedral.  Considering the eternal perspective can make a world of difference—you’re not just keeping house.  Rather you’re making a home—one that can last forever.

Another solution is to balance daily routine duties with projects that have an enduring value.  Paint something, make something, read something, sew something, teach someone, serve someone.  Have a project!

At one time in my life, when I was swamped with all the dishes and diapers and other duties that went along with having eight children ages twelve and under, I longed to work on some of my projects.  One day it occurred to me that even though I couldn’t do a lot on a project, I could do a little.  One project was to set up a new filing system, but certainly finding the hours to do so was just not going to happen.  Then it dawned on me that I could work away at the task like the old wood cutter who moved a load of wood to the barn by carrying just one log a day as he returned from the field.  I decided to file three papers a day.  It was less than a ten-minute task.  Not only was it rewarding to watch the pile of papers gradually disappear as the filing cabinet filled up, but after the paper was in the file no one messed it up, no one spilled on it, no one ate it, and it stayed put.  I’m still reaping the benefits of having those papers in place.        

Second Woman: “Housework is never-ending.  I go along with the old adage that bemoans the fact that ‘a man works from sun to sun while a woman’s work is never done.’”

Response:True!  There is always another towel that someone just tossed in the hamper. So, the smart thing to do is say to yourself, “I’ve done the laundry for today.  That towel is for tomorrow’s wash,” and move on, feeling “done.”

I find it helpful to time myself doing a task and then endeavor to stay within that time allotment each time I repeat the task.  This way tasks that seemed to take “forever” are often done in fifteen minutes or less.  I can handle that.  Besides, it can be fun to race the clock and spend only ten minutes on the job, thus freeing up five minutes for something else.  It can be good sport to play games with the clock in a fun, light-hearted way, but never be so serious that doing it creates pressure or stress. 

It’s really helpful, as well, to be realistic in your planning and list-making so you don’t expect to do more than is reasonable.  Allow time for interruptions and distractions.  Be flexible.  I had to smile when a friend said, “When I saw the movie, ‘The Incredibles,’ I thought of all the superheroes I could be and decided I wanted to be the elastic woman!” 

And, if for some reason, you’re in a situation where there really is more to do than you can accomplish, it’s good to be philosophical about it.  When I served as ward Relief Society president, I found that the more I did, the more there was to do.  The list of people who needed serving grew longer and longer.  After an especially demanding day when I didn’t get everything on my “list” crossed off, I found it helped to go to bed thinking about what I did do rather than what I did not get done.  Instead of feeling frustrated and discouraged, I sensed a warm feeling of satisfaction.  And more importantly, I became less concerned about the list and more focused on the people I was serving

Third Woman: “Having been a homemaker for twenty-three years now, I find I am just plain getting bored with the same old tasks.” 

Response: You’re not alone with such feelings. There are many women who find housework boring.  Actually, most jobs have some aspect of monotonous or routine work to them. Some are worse than others.  People employed on assembly lines or those who do piecework come to mind.  Many workers in food or cleaning services do the same thing day after day.  Even highly trained people encounter a certain amount of routine work. Surgeons and nurses are required to scrub their hands and arms for extended periods before attending to patients, and they have to deal with stacks of reports and paper work.  Some dentists claim their work is boring—pardon the pun.  Dentists can’t even visit with their patients whom they’ve rendered mute. 

Boredom sets in when we’re no longer excited about what we’re doing.  When this is the

case, it’s time to try a new idea, develop a new talent, be of service somewhere, or engage in a new project.  We’re bored when we concentrate on the process, rather than the results. 

Following are some remedies for boredom that have worked for me:

• Provide distractions.
  
  As I work about the house (dusting, ironing, cleaning plantation shutters, cutting, chopping and preparing food, etc.), I wear a head set and receive and send phone calls from my cordless phone.  Before cordless phones, I just propped the phone on my shoulder and made sure it had a long cord—remember those coiled cords that would stretch from room to room!— so I could work and visit at the same time.  I’ve been multi-tasking in this way for years, and not only am I caught up with my work, but I find great pleasure in chatting with family and friends as I go about my tasks.
  
  CDs and iPods with scriptures, talks, devotionals, and music keep my mind focused on edifying information or pleasant entertainment rather than on routine tasks. 

• Have hobbies and projects.
  
  Develop hobbies and engage in projects—the usual ones and the unusual ones.  I   have a friend who has learned the almost-lost art of tatting.  She has also set aside a section of her house to raise orchids. She says, “Making things beautiful makes me happy.” 

• Grow in efficiency and competence.
  
  Increase your ability to work smart, not just hard.  The more professional and prepared you are in your household responsibilities, the more satisfaction you will   find in your work. 
  
  Running the dishwasher frequently helps keep the sink clear and the kitchen uncluttered so I can work more efficiently.  If I see a big load of dishes coming up, I run the dishwasher even if it’s only partially full so as to make room for the             next load. I use my dishwasher to manage the kitchen.  As a result, energy and    time I would otherwise use on washing dishes can be spent on tasks that a machine can’t do.  Dishwashers are now so well engineered that it takes        considerably less water to run them than it does to wash the same number of dishes by hand.  
  
  I often prepare food for dinner early in the morning so that it’s “oven ready” and only needs to be slipped into the oven during the family “rush hour.”  It’s such a good feeling to know throughout the day that dinner is prepared.
  
  For me, it saves both time and money to prepare food in bulk.  My friend calls it  “mega” cooking.  I prepare enough for two or three meals and then serve one and freeze the others for later use.  

• Go the second mile.
  
  We travel the first mile by compulsion. The second mile is by choice and therein lies the joy.  Don’t just clean house, make a home.  Don’t just tend children, teach them and enjoy them. Don’t just take dinner to someone in need. Offer to sit down and eat with them or invite them to your home to eat. 

• Reward yourself at the conclusion of a task.
  
  Treat yourself to something you enjoy doing—plan a family activity, play with your children, read a chapter in a book, go for a walk, visit or phone someone,  spend a few minutes on handwork.  There’s no end to such a list. 

• Be of service.
  
  In considering doing acts of kindness, it’s important to remember that service starts at home for those we love the most and who love us the most—our families. Moreover, it is our families, and no one else, over whom we have been givensacred stewardship responsibilities.  Once we have fulfilled our responsibilities to our families, we can then branch out to serving others.  We should not use service as an escape from duty, but when we know that we have fulfilled our responsibilities to our family and home, the time we then devote to other types of service can be more satisfying. 

• Ponder as you putter. 
  
  Some women think that they need background noise while working, therefore  the television or  music are constantly on.  However, quiet time to reflect isprecious time.  Use your quiet time to ponder the important things in life, and even how you can be of service to those around you.  
  
  One of the blessings of “boring” housework for me is that my mind is free to receive personal revelation as I putter about the house. Ideas and inspiration, insights and solutions to problems often come most frequently and most    profoundly when my hands are busy but my mind is free. Even though it’s good to have some distractions as mentioned above, I don’t want to give all my thinking time away.  It’s when things are quiet and calm that the Spirit can get through.

• Count your blessings and be of good cheer.
  
  Once when Hank and I were in India (while serving our missions as welfare/humanitarian administrators for the Church in Asia) we left our hotelearly one morning and noted a woman squatting in a vacant lot rubbing bricks together to rid them of mortar.  When we returned late that afternoon she was still squatting there, sanding the bricks.  The temperature was over 100 degrees with high humidity. Stinging flies swirled about her head. She was in a cloud of dust, stirred up by passing traffic, and the water bottle by her side was empty.  All I have to do is picture her in my mind—I can still see her so clearly that I can almost hear the grating sound of the bricks as they were being rubbed against each other—and suddenly anything on my “to do” list is a pleasure.

It’s important to keep in mind that life does not always have to be exciting to be rewarding.  I have heard women complain that their lives are very routine and dull, that nothing special ever seems to happen.  Speaking of “dull” days, a woman once remarked that she didn’t keep a journal because her days were so ordinary.  Someone countered, “I’m grateful for an ordinary day—no one got sick, there were no accidents, the dishwasher didn’t break down, all went as planned.”  Now, that’s a journal entry! A wise person said, “Normal day, let me see you for the treasure that you are.” 

My friend, Lisa, and I have had some stimulating conversations lately about being bored with housework.  She said recently, “I have spent a lot of time thinking over our conversations.  I had an epiphany this afternoon.  I learned something very important.  (My epiphanies are usually that way.  Nothing big.  Just the obvious hitting me over the head.)  It suddenly hit me how many women there are all over the world who would just love to be ‘bored” because they had to clean their house again.  I am grateful just to have a house.  I am grateful that I was able to have all the children I wanted.  I am grateful that I am a wife.  I am grateful that I have never had to work outside of my home.  I am grateful for my epiphany.  Lastly, I am grateful for the chance to continue making a home for my family!  Boring is beautiful!  And when that feeling wears off, I know what to do about it.”

Well, I’ve long since forgiven my mother for doing the washing on her birthday.  Instead I revere her for always doing her duty cheerfully and taking care of our family to the very best of her ability. She would smile and shake her head at our discussions about the seeming futility, the endlessness, and the boredom of housework and say, “Ladies, it’s time for a spring tune-up.”

(For additional information on overcoming discouragement or combating boredom, see The Ultimate Career, Chapter 14, “The Climbing Bear Syndrome)

See this column on April 9^th for “Winning the Paper War.”

Daryl will be speaking at several stake enrichment meetings in the Portland, Oregon area Friday, April 21^st and Saturday, April 22^nd.  Guests are welcome to attend the following:

Mt. Hood Stake Center, Friday, April 21, 7:00 p.m.
off Highway 26, Boring, Oregon
Ice cream social following meeting (there will be a charge for refreshments)
Husbands and wives are invited
RSVP: None needed

Milwaukie Stake Center, Saturday, April 22, 10 a.m. – 3 p.m.
8331 SE Cason Road, Gladstone, Oregon
Daryl will present three, one hour lectures during the day and there will be five other classes
Lunch will be served
RSVP: Norma Larsen 503/659-5377  Please leave name and phone number

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