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I have a true friend who I can
tell anything and know she will still love me. She feels the
same about me. Today we had a talk about our discomfort with
the behavior of people we love when they say or do something
that seems to make the Spirit withdraw. We were talking about
how our souls long to be where the Spirit is, where love is,
and how we hate to be in that kind of situation.
She
remembered the song “Where Love Is, There God is Also,” and
we talked about how we both want to be where Christ-like love
is. As the discussion progressed, we both realized that in these
situations, the deciding factor of our discomfort is not the
words or behaviors of the other person, even the fact that they
may be behaving in an unloving manner, but that love has left
our own hearts.
The
minute I begin feeling unloving or critical toward someone who
is unloving or critical, I am no longer on the Lord's turf.
I am uncomfortable because I've lost the spirit of love. Since
God is love, I've lost His Spirit, and am left on my own until
I turn back to Him.
The
Fine Art of Finding Fault
Until
a few years ago I thought the scripture, “Let virtue garnish
thy thoughts unceasingly,” meant, “Keep your thoughts virtuous
and clean.” However, I received a personal witness one day that
this scripture also refers to keeping our minds focused on the
virtues of others — their strengths, their good points, the
ways in which they contribute good to others and to the world.
Let
me tell you a story about this principle. One day I was sitting
in Relief Society wondering why I felt distance between myself
and some of the other sisters. My first thought was, “Why don't
they reach out to me?” For instance, Sister Johnson [name has
been changed]. She seemed too, too focused on herself. Her hair
and nails and clothes were always perfect, but not her ability
to reach out to others. I felt no confidence in interacting
with her and I felt like there were high walls separating us.
The
lesson that day included a section warning against gossip and
fault-finding. “Finding fault builds walls between us,” the
teacher said. “We don’t have to say anything; simply focusing
our minds on the faults of others builds invisible walls that
separate us spiritually from them.”
Those
words burned into my conscience. I had to admit that a portion
of each Relief Society time was spent in such thoughts about
somebody around me. Could I be building those walls I was feeling
uncomfortable about just by my thoughts?
Later
that day I was reading the scriptures and came across Doctrine
and Covenants 121:45: “Let virtue garnish thy thoughts unceasingly;
then shall thy confidence wax strong in the presence of God.”
The thought came to me that fault-finding thoughts were decidedly
not virtuous.
And
another thing: could it be that just as virtuous thoughts leads
to confidence in the presence of God, do virtuous thoughts about
another person lead to confidence in that person’s presence?
Could it be that my lack of confidence in the presence of those
I was thinking negatively about is directly connected to those
thoughts?
I
decided to try an “experiment on the word.” For the next few
weeks I became very mindful of the difference in my feelings
when I was focusing my thoughts on the strengths of others versus
their weaknesses. My “scientific” findings were clear. I create
much of the climate of my life by the quality of my thoughts
and the level of my love.
When
Truth Hurts
“Ye
shall know the truth and the truth shall make you free” — but
it first might make you miserable. I don’t always want to see
the truth that my comfort level in any situation depends on
the level of love in my own heart and the quality of my own
thoughts much more than the behavior of the other person. It
is so much more comfortable to blame others. Yet it should be
a discovery that gives me cause for rejoicing, because my part
is the only part of the problem I can do anything about.
Someone
said that truth is the gentle removal of denial when you are
ready — lifting the veils that have kept you in darkness. Sometimes
removal of denial of our absolute accountability requires a
cleansing process.
Cleaning
out the Hedges of Our Lives
One
spring not long ago Doug and I worked in the yard pruning roses,
raking leaves, digging out from winter. We hadn’t thoroughly
cleaned out the rose hedge for several years and it turned into
a major project. With the pungent smell of dead leaves all around,
I kept thinking of symbolisms — how the project resembled cleaning
out my heart after the long winter of my soul — getting out
all the debris, the dead leaves and dry twigs of old patterns,
false beliefs, and traditions.
I
removed clipped branches from previous prunings that had fallen
into the hedge; they were dry, withered, brittle, and I thought
of John 15:5 “If a man abide not in me, he is cast forth as
a branch, and is withered; and men gather them, and cast them
into the fire.” Because I hadn’t finished the cleanup job when
I originally clipped them, but had left them to be gathered
up later, I thought of how much harder any job becomes when
I’ve neglected it when it should have been done.
The
hedge looked incredible when we finally finished. It was so
clean, so open — like I want my heart to be. However, I can’t
complete the cleansing of my heart by my own efforts. Christ,
the “finisher of our faith” is also the finisher of the cleansing
process. His grace completes the task through the Atonement
“after all that I can do.” Many times I am like Alma the younger
— when he was struck down and helpless, all he could do was
call out to the Lord for his mercy and express belief in him.
That calling out was with his heart — not his voice. Remember,
he couldn’t even speak.
What
a revelation it has been to me to realize that “all we can do”
probably does not refer to our checklists and striving and accomplishments
at all. Colleen Harrison said, “This course of ever-deepening
humility, of a willingness to acknowledge that all wisdom and
power and all glory for all good works belongs to the Father
and the Son, is, in truth and reality “all that we can do” (Alma
24:11). And it will “bring forth the grace of Christ“ (He
Did Deliver Me from Bondage, p. 100).
In
Alma 24:11 “It was all we could do to repent sufficiently.”
So many times “all we can do” is repent. So many times, “All
we can do” is to take our weaknesses to him (Ether 12:27). Sometimes
“all we can do” is plead to feel His love for us.
Coming
Home to Love
And
so we come full circle to the thought I began this article with.
We want to be where love is. We want to feel love, know love,
give love.
Author
Kay Arthur said:
