A New Year Chance to De-clutter Our Lives
By Darla Isackson

My husband and I are having major fun de-junking. The other day he pulled out of some forgotten corner of his office closet three striped or plaid jackets, three funny looking belts and two pairs of shoes — all vintage 70s. I had no idea he had them. He has no idea why he kept them. We both had a good laugh.

I got with the program and discarded or recycled unused gifts (I can keep the love the gift symbolizes and still get rid of the gift), stacks of files I haven't referred to for years, and contact lens equipment and square dance duds (I haven't worn contacts or square danced since 1998).

Why Do We Keep Things We Don't Need and Don't Use?

Author David Dudley, who wrote an article on de-cluttering for the current AARP magazine said, “The rarely used objects cluttering our lives are not really objects at all but symbols of our plans and untapped potential. They are, as my father said while I hauled off a grill, 'artifacts of unused life' (AARP, January & February 2007, p. 66).

That philosophy may apply to Doug's trumpet that he hasn't played since junior high, the stack of books I intend to read “some day,” and the dozen files of article ideas I may never get to. But I think they can also be symbols of “used” life.

Some of the things we keep are vital to recording and documenting the lives we have lived. Others may be indicators that we are clinging too tightly to the past, or afraid to face the pain of the past long enough to sort through them. Or we may be connecting our “things” with our memories to such a degree that we feel we would be throwing out the memory or even the experience if we throw out the thing.

I know a woman who believes the “thing” is the memory; her life is complicated and weighed down by a house, garage, and storage units packed full of “memories.” I know a man who relates so closely to his “things” that he feels immensely disrespected, invaded, even violated if any possession is damaged, broken, or given away.

What is the truth about our connection with our “things”? How symbolic are they of our lives? Why do some of us have such a hard time parting with things that no longer serve us?

Dejunking lecturer Gladys Allen compared the unused items in our homes to an albatross hung around our necks. She said that we have a mental inventory (though it may be subconscious) of every old pair of shoes, every tarnished silver tray, every shirt we haven't worn for years yet still keep. The energy we use to keep track of all that stuff — and to handle the guilt of not dealing with it — could be so much more productively. Gladys, over a period of many years, helped many women taste the freedom of using their energy to clear their homes and at the same time, clear their minds.

The Stories We Attach to Our Things

David Dudley, telling of the battle that resulted from his efforts to help his parents downsize when they were moving to a smaller home, said of a chafing dish;

He said his mother felt that by getting rid of her things he was trying to wipe out her life. He said, “I wondered how life had deposited my family at this point, hostages to the bric-a-brac that once served us.” (ibid, p. 69)

Professional organizer Jeanne Smith, whose older clients often have a unfathomable connection with their possessions, said, “They're going through a life-review process and a grieving process. They're reliving 20 years of their lives through that coffee cup” (Ibid, p. 70).

At a time when loss of control may be an issue, loss of “things” can seem quite unbearable. Jeanne says a listening ear can be a huge de-stresser. Just having someone to talk to about the memories before the things go out the door can make a big difference (Ibid, p. 71). Taking pictures of items that seem to have the strongest memory ties may help a person over the pain of parting with things. Pictures take a lot less space to store, especially if the pictures are digital.

I suspect writing about the memories as part of a personal life history might also help. No one wants their life to be forgotten, and perhaps keeping our things is symbolic of that desire. Documenting our lives in words may release us from the need to document them with so much of the stuff that reminds us of the memories.

Where does the Tendency to Clutter Come From?

But wait! Cluttering is hardly a problem that affects only old fogies (like me!). One of my sons developed the disease by the time he was two. By age six his closet was the repository of burned out fireworks, rusty chains, empty boxes and broken toys that all had some mysterious value to him.

I had a terrible time convincing him to let me throw any of his things away. He followed me to car when I was taking some things to the thrift store — including part of his never-ending collection of mangy stuffed animals.

“Please, Mama. I want to keep them!”

“Why do you need them all?” I countered. “What good are they?”

“They're good to hug,” he said, big brown eyes looking up at me imploringly. Needless to say, most of the stuffed animals went back into the house.

Could it be that cluttering is in our genes? For obvious reasons many people believe it is connected to creativity and multiple interests. However, some of the most organized people I know are also the most creative — they extend their creativity to creative ways to keep things in order!

What about clutter-bugs whose houses are cluttered more because of lack of time to sort and clean than to any connection to their things? And what about those who keep things because they are simply indecisive, and every discard requires a decision.

Many organization gurus suggest that the best way to start working ourselves out of clutter is to label three boxes:

Dividing the contents of any drawer, cupboard, or closet into those three categories gives you a good place to start. Another consistent guideline is to clean out one small area at a time to avoid overwhelm (and to avoid having family members ask you if a bomb hit the house!)

Motivation to Live a Simpler Life

Possessions depreciate, get lost, need cleaning, add clutter, create errands, and encourage greed. Having things in order to compete, brag, or hoard breeds dissatisfaction and a insatiable desire for more. Too many things get argued over and climbed over. Just getting them takes up tons of time driving to stores, looking for parking spots, finding what we want, trying on, making decisions, and standing in lines. Then, when we get them home there's the worry about organizing, storing, finding, cleaning, and repairing that takes time and creates stress.

Do we enjoy washing, dusting, polishing, scraping, scouring and repairing things that spot, rust, fall apart, dent, crumble, fray and come unglued? Do we like running to the cleaners and repair shops, ordering new parts, and trying to figure out how to fix things?

What we pay at the store is not the real price of our possessions. We have to add in the blood, sweat, and tears of taking care of them plus the grief of inevitably losing them. Owning things is a prime cause of stress. Too many things can decrease mental and physical health, put stress on our relationships and finances, contribute to divorce, bankruptcy, or job dissatisfaction.

We may think that getting rid of things is like throwing money away. In reality, we lose time, money, space, and sanity by getting, having and keeping unused and unloved items around.

Values Clarification

Counselor Ed McCormack used to teach a course on how to improve your life by clearing out your house. He believes that our things should mirror our values — that to decide what to get rid of we need to ask ourselves “what is really valuable to me? How can I listen to my deepest self? How can I come from my best self instead of always going toward it? How can I clarify my values and connect with my deepest, best — with my read spirit identity? Can getting rid of what I don't need help me get unstuck in my life? How can I get motivated to make the decisions I need to make to get unstuck?”

He says in regard to de-junking, “If a thing doesn't enhance your enjoyment of life, build you up, or express your best self, it's junk.” Another author suggested we ask ourselves if each object gives us energy or drains energy? If it drains energy — get rid of it!

We've all had the experience of pulling something out of its hiding place to discover that it has deteriorated with age and is no longer of any use. One of my husband's old suits (beautiful quality at the time he bought it) was moth-eaten and useless. One of my old silver wedding gift trays was tarnished beyond recognition — and had never been used!

The best de-junking scripture I can think of is Matt 6:20-21:

What do I value? Where is my treasure? Where is my heart? Are the things in my house a valid mirror of my values? I've often heard “what you own, owns you.” The more “things” I have to take care of, the less time I have to focus on spiritual pursuits.

Saint Francis said, “Riches [things in general?] prick us with a thousand troubles in getting them, as many cares in preserving them, and yet more anxiety in spending them, and with grief in losing them.” I have no desire to be owned by things, and a great desire to be free of the troubles bondage of spending major time shopping and caring for things. And I can certainly do without the grief of losing them.

From now on, I plan to be more careful about what I bring into my house in the first place. Bertrand Russell said, “it is the preoccupation with possessions more than anything else that prevents man from living freely and nobly.”

Even though it takes time initially to sort, de-junk and de-clutter, the end result can be a simpler life with more time to create, more time to serve, more time to love. I like the idea of having nothing in my house that I do not find useful or experience as beautiful. Some of the things I value are greenery and silk flowers, beautiful pictures of my family, of the Savior, of waterfalls. They serve no useful purpose at all — except to lift my spirits and remind me of the beauty of life here and hereafter. Yes, beauty is sufficient reason to keep things — unless too many beautiful things are creating clutter. Then it is time to share that beauty! I want to keep only what I can really use — and a reasonable number of things I love.