Although they sound basic, these three action steps are critically important in betrayal recovery — wholesome eating, exercise, and purposeful rest. You might call it "healthy living," and it doesn't just happen; it is a result of deliberate, everyday choices — choices that can help clear your thinking and promote sound judgment in the process of moving forward.

I am reminded of a statement by Elder David A. Bednar given at a worldwide Church Educational System meeting (February 3, 2006), "As sons and daughters of our Heavenly Father, we have been blessed with the gift of agency, the capacity and power of independent action."

Wise Eating for Healthy Living

Using your power of independent action consider the first action step — wholesome eating. What you eat makes a huge difference on how you think, and how you feel, and how you look. And the way you feel about yourself affects the way you respond to life and how other people feel about and treat you.

Eating proper food aids your body's effort to function at its highest capacity, helping you control your thoughts, actions, and reactions. In appropriate amounts, high proteins, such as meats and dairy products, help the blood sugar remain stable so emotions are less likely to run uncontrollably high or low. Many people, when under stress, eat too much or too little food, resulting in additional distress and discomfort. Eating small meals throughout the day contributes to stable body functions and a more steady state of mind.

Ponder the following suggestions for improving good nutrition in meal planning.

• Eat more whole grains — foods made from whole wheat, rye, barley, corn, etc.
• Increase the amounts and varieties of vegetables and fruits offered at your table.
• Reduce your use of fatty, sweet condiments, toppings, and gravies. Try tasting a potato, for instance, with a little rice vinegar or just salt and pepper. You may find you enjoy the real flavor of vegetables best.
• Carefully choose the meats you prepare. Select lean meats to bake, roast, grill, or broil. Avoid frying wherever possible. Use meats sparingly.
• Read labels. Make healthy choices — low fat, low sodium, low sugar. This does not need to be interpreted as “low flavor.” With proper cooking and seasoning, low-fat foods can be as delicious and flavorful as the fatty varieties.
• Reduce the use of fast food and prepackaged meals. They are available for fast preparation, only in rare cases for nutrition and health.
• Make healthy substitutions. Wherever possible, and especially in foods that are going to be eaten right away, substitute plain, fat-free, unsweetened yogurt or applesauce for one half of the oil called for in your cooking recipes. Also to reduce fat, substitute two egg whites for one whole egg. Since the yolks contain the majority of the fat in an egg, if a recipe calls for more than one egg, put in one whole egg and only the whites of the remaining number required.
• Eat regular meals and control your portion size. Do not go without eating for more than five hours (unless engaged in a prayerful fast). Waiting too long to eat usually causes binging or overeating.
• Eat slowly so you can taste the food and feel it on your tongue. When you chew your food and relax while eating, you allow the stomach to register the intake before it becomes overfull. Enjoy feeling, smelling, and tasting the food instead of just consuming it.
• Serve the heaviest meal in the morning, or divide it into an early morning meal and a healthy morning snack an hour or two later. Consume the bulk of your food intake in the first six hours of the day.
• Drink more water instead of soda or sweetened juices. Water makes up about 70% of your body. The more active you are, the more water you need to drink.
• Avoid emotional eating. Do not use food intake to defray your anger, loneliness, or frustration. Develop communication skills to deal with your anger, and reward yourself with something other than food (i.e., a movie, a book, clothing, an excursion). Get involved with activities away from the kitchen (i.e., gardening, sewing, playing the piano, reading, playing tennis, bicycling).
• Where possible, eat together as a family. Use mealtime as a time to enjoy communicating with each other. That means talking and listening. Mealtime is not a time for venting and disciplining.
• Avoid watching television or videos, playing computer games, or reading a book while eating. Seldom can you recall what you ate during those activities. And because your mind isn’t on it, you don’t even notice you're full, and so you eat a lot more than you would otherwise.

Select healthy snacks and refreshments. When planning refreshments for the family or church and community functions, choose tasty, healthy snacks instead of fatty, sweet selections.

Even when a healthy body weight is not a challenge, to maintain optimum energy and muscle mass, prevent disease, and normalize moods, individuals have to feed their bodies the right things. But it is especially important for those struggling with their weight. Too often losing weight is thought of with a higher priority than being healthy.

With the confusion caused by advertising and false claims, gratefully the Word of Wisdom offers distinct guidance on what we should and shouldn't eat. Gary Powell, from Australia, offers these words regarding the Word of Wisdom. "I am a natural therapist with, among others, a diploma in Nutrition and Modern Dietetics. I have researched the nutritional side of the scripture and found the Word of Wisdom to be a perfect plan. The Word of Wisdom is to my mind, the word of God, and not to be ignored."

Finding the Exercise for You

Exercise is the second critical action step in betrayal recovery. Even with limited mobility, there is some form of exercise everyone can do, even if it is just working the eye muscles, or concentrating on specific finger or toe movements.

When I experienced spousal betrayal, I found my running integral to keeping me from falling apart and giving up. Winters in the Chicago area can be severe. I screwed shallow, flathead screws in the bottoms of my running shoes to keep me from slipping on the icy roads. My early-morning runs provided me with time alone to think and contemplate, release pent-up frustrations, and some semblance of privacy to let the tears flow.

Exercise releases creative thought processes. I've tried it with running and walking. I've tried it with bicycling and weightlifting. It seems to work no matter what type of exercise I do. But, for me, it works best when I exercise outside. I feel comforted, uplifted, and liberated when I move in the outdoors in any season of the year. Perhaps it has something to do with the sunlight aligning my circadian rhythms with the cycles of nature. I don’t know what it is, but my brain cells seem to breathe better outside the four walls of my home.

Aside from the possible circadian-rhythm theory, there is a scientific reason for this mood change or process, wherever you exercise. The natural body chemicals called endorphins released while exercising produce a calming influence on the mind. They affect specific areas of the brain and spinal cord in a positive way. The effect these chemicals have on the body and mind resemble that of an opiate. They give you a natural high and aid you in seeing your world more as a cup half full instead of a cup half empty.

Exercise boosts energy levels. You've heard people complain, “I'm too tired. I don’t have the energy to exercise.” Actually, no matter how old you are, as you become more fit, you'll find regular, brisk exercise gives you more energy and helps you resist fatigue. Regular exercise improves the immune system, decreasing the incidence of illness. Exercise reduces anxiety and depression. It helps you cope with unwanted stress and releases tension, sadness, and anger, giving you a sense of determination — a sense that you can make it through your troubles.

Some of the other benefits of exercise are:

• Easing stiffness and aches and improving muscle tone, increasing your actual strength to perform household tasks, maintenance, and lifting.
• Improving posture and carriage at the same time it helps control weight and keep waistlines trim.
• Providing a sense of achievement. No matter what the exercise is, when I finish it, I feel like saying, "I get a star on my forehead. Today I did it again!" I feel that way especially at the conclusion of my morning run. In the creative action of running, I become convinced of my own importance, certain that my life has significance. Fitness probably has something to do with that. With fitness comes an awareness, a sensual connection with everything around you.
• Promoting sound, restful sleep.
• Making you laugh. I laugh at myself when I can't reach my chin to the pull-up bar or when I get so involved in my mind that I don’t even notice I just passed my mark for a speed run. I also laugh when I run in the rain and put my hands out on both sides of me and smile up at the clouded sky. I feel like a child again, on my bicycle splashing through the puddles after a rainstorm.
• Helping in the recovery from injuries or surgery. Because your muscles are toned and elastic, you're able to get on your feet sooner.
• Improving skin tone and complexion. People who exercise generally have healthier skin.

There is something for everyone no matter what their finances, no matter what their disability or their size and shape. Regardless of your present situation, you can do some form of exercise. And by doing so, you automatically feel better about yourself and your circumstance.

Resting with a Purpose

Purposeful rest is the third in this trio of action steps. Proper rest is absolutely crucial, and yet sometimes extremely difficult to attain. Studies show that in the absence of adequate restorative sleep, the mind can actually generate distortions and out-of-control thoughts that otherwise would not happen if the brain were allowed to rest. When going through any trauma, while it is important to face the issue, it is also important to take breaks from the drama. Rest is a critical break that allows your body and mind to rejuvenate.

During deep sleep your muscles rest, your heart rate lowers, and your body produces growth hormone. Growth hormone production helps you absorb nutrients and heal or repair the tissues in your body. Some studies indicate growth hormone is also associated with increased muscle mass (with sufficiently produced hormone) versus increased fat tissue (with a lack of hormone). Another hormone produced during sleep is melatonin. Among other things, melatonin stimulates the immune system.

A powerful hormone that decreases during sleep is cortisol. Cortisol is sometimes referred to as the stress hormone. It is released by the adrenal gland to help you be more alert or respond to stressful situations. Too much awake time allows your body to experience abnormally high levels of cortisol, which can be potentially damaging.

When you're properly fed and rested, all situations seem more manageable. With a toned body, you feel more in control. Consider these three important action steps when recovering from betrayal or trauma.

Note: Additional action steps that aid in recovery can be found in Shattered: Six Steps from Betrayal to Recovery by Fay A. Klingler and Bettyanne Bruin, published by Mapletree Publishing Company.