I meant to begin this letter on the flight coming back from Chicago, but I think plane seats must be getting smaller all the time. I felt as if I were sitting with my knees under my chin and my elbows digging into the person beside me! I dropped a handkerchief, and it was impossible to get myself into any sort of contortion to reach the floor to pick it up. So here I am at home, on Sunday afternoon — a good way to spend it — writing to friends.

Chicago was wonderful, the welcome was as warm as the weather was cold. And Chicago really does “do” cold! Seventeen degrees below zero Fahrenheit, another ten degrees from wind chill, that’s nearly fifty degrees of frost! The wind felt like a knife edge. And then, naturally, snow! And when I got to London, guess what? More snow. Lots of delayed flights. It makes me realize how marvellously fortunate we are that most travel is so very comfortable. Compare all that with a sailing boat, and then wagon train, and cramped flights are nothing!

I enjoyed Chicago so much because the people were exceptionally friendly and interesting and highly intelligent. It was a convention of mystery writers who meet every year in early February. I was there two years ago, so it was lovely to meet old friends, talk about ideas and beliefs, and to make new acquaintances. What is there richer than friendship?

It was odd to come back to the north of Scotland and find the temperature way above freezing — into 40 degrees, the sky cloudless, the sea blue and the grass vivid green; pansies, polyanthus, hellebore, crocuses, snowdrops and even daffodils are in bloom! The weather really is crazy! How much of that is down to human behaviour I don’t know. I fear it may be quite a lot. My immediate neighbour has a rose out!! They bloom in June here, and last perhaps until Christmas. Today is February 11th!

Taking the Glory

I am enjoying the New Testament lessons immeasurably. Previous to today, the last one I was here for was on the mission of John the Baptist. Someone pointed out that among his other amazing virtues was an astonishing humility. He could so easily have basked in the praise he received and allowed people to believe he was the Messiah, simply by not denying it. Yet he chose always to say very clearly that he was only the forerunner, preparing the way for someone else, whose shoes he was not worthy to unloose.

It is so easy to be tempted to take the glory. We all see people do it in the news every day, revelling in attention, earned or not, the “fifteen minutes of fame.” The “just look at me” hunger — doesn’t matter what for! The child is still inside us who will do anything for notice, even if it is negative.

Why are we so uncertain of ourselves, our identity and worth, that any attention is better than none? At times we seem to need the praise of people, the validation of the world, as if we could not exist without a mirror in which to be reflected. Ideally we should be striving to be strong enough to stand alone, if necessary, and one day or another I believe it will be, even if only for a short while. That main wholeness of conviction is a part of growth that has to be. I’m sure I need a little of that myself — the silence inside that lets me see and test who I really am.

Today’s lessons troubled me as to how I was going to deal with them, and make them appropriate to all the class members. On this Sunday in the month I teach both Relief Society and Gospel Doctrine in Sunday school, so it was a lot to make a mess of, were I to be in a poor spirit, and out of step with the intended message.

A Good Spirit

I read the material in the brief time I had after returning from America, and trying to get myself un-jetlagged — if there is such a word. I felt very much at sea, and scraped the wrong way. But time was short. There was nothing to do but pray for a good spirit to guide me to make it uplifting, and helpful in some degree to everyone. I was answered, perhaps better than I deserved.

Relief Society was first, the lesson subject the knowledge that Jesus was far more than a supremely good man, which few people of any religion (or none) will argue with. But He was also uniquely the Christ, the Anointed One, the Redeemer of this world, and others of which we do not know. The latter is something very different, of a magnitude we can sometimes not fully acknowledge. It falls to the back of our conscious minds and we fail to have the trust in Him we could, and should.

We spoke a little of what that meant, how it could make us braver, more certain in dark times, and less likely to forget when things are going well and we overlook the grace of remembering who gave us all we have.

Goodness in Adversity

One of the things that troubled me in the text of the lesson was the various things that made the Lord smile. They did not seem to me to include many of the things I believe He values. I am sure He must be pleased to see a happy family of two parents who love each other, happy, healthy children, all kneeling together in prayer.

But if you cannot be good when you have everything that truly matters, then I think your success is small. It is easy to be good when you have all the greatest gifts life has to offer. I truly admire those who are tired, defeated, alone and hurting, and yet are still good — those who have little, but praise God for it, and are out seeking to help others, rather than merely savouring all their own good fortune.

I think all heaven must smile to see the lonely and in pain reaching out to help, to give, to encourage and to offer love to the stranger, or those who have injured them deeply. That is greatness.

Of all the stories of the Saviour in the New Testament, every one that comes to my mind concerns his love towards those in trouble, pain, affliction or grief, loneliness, confusion, poverty of physical or spiritual goods, those who felt guilty or confused, in short those who needed His help and His love most urgently. He was, to quote Isaiah, “a man of sorrow and acquainted with grief.”

I look to find Him seeking those in need of the soul, the heart or the flesh, not simply those who already have it all. Of course He would ignore no one, even the wealthiest in the true riches of love, clear conscience, certainly of faith and worldly peace. But when we have all those things, though very few do, then how much more must He expect of us. To whom much is given, much is required!

Sharing Our Blessings

We should not need to be commanded in all things! If we come anywhere near loving our neighbour — which is everyone — then we should be actively engaged in sharing all blessings that can be shared: friendship, patience, a listening ear, the strength of faith, the knowledge of who the Saviour is and His love for everyone, without exception — the list is far longer. But without including material things that we may or may not have — compassion, grace, and the strength of faith can be shared by all who have even a glimmering of who Christ is.

We spoke also of the testimony of many people. All the examples offered were men, but for Relief Society I thought of the many women who should also be added. Not least among these were Mary His mother, Elizabeth, Mary Magdalene, and others like the woman at the well in Samaria. Of course there were others also.

In the Sunday school lesson on the calling of the apostles we mentioned the overwhelming humanity of the first apostles — their faults as well as their virtues, which gave us all hope. We sometimes forget that they were people who lived real lives, who were tired, hungry, confused, lonely, afraid, like all the rest of us. Thomas doubted, as we do in our darker moments. Peter set out to walk on the water, and feared — as we all can. Peter, who knew who the Saviour was, by the spirit of revelation, before the crucifixion, still denied Him. What an unforgettable thing to do. “I don’t know Him”! Three times!

And yet he rose from that darkest moment to be a great leader, builder of the church, and in the end willingly gave his life. This greatness is possible, even after knowingly having given in to terror, and denied Christ in His time of need. Doubt and fear and human weakness do not mean we are unworthy to serve God, or that He cannot love us, give us wonderful, beautiful opportunities to try again, and rise to the greatest of glory.

And a thought came to me which has not before, in exactly this way – at the foot of the cross, never leaving Him, never denying even for an instant, were John the Beloved, and the three women, Mary His mother, Mary Magdalene, and the other Mary (perhaps his sister). Why did they remain when all others were nowhere to be seen? I do not know if it was a greater knowledge that He was the Christ. I think perhaps it was because they loved Him with a depth that cannot be broken by terror, agony or darkness, even by death. Human love laos can be even this sublime. Surely that is when we are most close to a likeness of our Father?

Knowledge is good, and we should seek it, add to it and use it for good, but love is the greatest of all, and in the final test, it will be enough.

Learning to Love Him

How do we learn to love Him? By learning to know Him. How do we do that? By picking up His tools and becoming apprenticed to His work. As we follow His path, no doubt falling occasionally, but climbing to our feet again, with His help, we will come to know Him as no reading or lessons can ever teach us. Then when we meet Him face to face, we will recognize Him as the one who has been there all the time.

If we look at Him, try to copy what He did, we will know not only how He appeared but what He felt, and why. Then even though there may be much we do not yet understand, our love will be strong enough that we will be found at the foot of the cross, because in light or darkness, glory or what seems to be despair, there is nowhere for us to be except with Him.

I know I am aiming rather high, but this is what I felt in that class, and since then as I sit at home and write. It is what I would like to become, and it is not impossible for any of us.

Have a strong second month to this new year, full of hope. If I do not manage to write next month, it will be because I am much on the road, but I wish you faith, hope and love then also, and always.