Tempering
Ourselves for Exaltation
Story and photos by Anne Perry
The months fly past. It seems such a short time since I last wrote, but if
I don’t collect my thoughts now, I shall be late.
We have had some extraordinary weather, mild
one day and then really hot the next. Many of you will not believe
it could be hot, rather than a little warm, here in the far north
of Scotland, but the thermometer outside my front door, in the
sun, read 114 F the other day! That is hot! Fortunately
there was a breeze off the sapphire blue sea, and that made it
quite pleasant, as long as all the windows were open! Believe
me, they were.
Now this morning at eight o’clock as I start,
it is overcast and fairly cool, and the air is as still as glass.
There is more blue sky every few moments, so who knows what the
day will bring?
click
to enlarge
Nobody knows where life’s path will lead — not even a day in advance.
Isn’t life rather like that? As I walk around
the garden, or even look out of the windows, the roses are massing
in every direction, crimson, scarlet, orange, apricot, peach,
cerise, pale pink, cream, gold, saffron, white — and on and on,
turning in with each other. Some even climb up and thread into
the trees. But without a winter in which to rest, spring to grow,
rain regularly, and of course sun as well, they wouldn’t do that.
And they need feeding and pruning too.
All the parallels are rather obvious, but
I need reminding too often, that endless sunshine produces miles
of sand and not a lot of life. I realize there are artificial
means of pumping water to such places, but thank heaven we have
not reached the sort of power where we can second guess God and
do the same in our lives.
If we do try to protect ourselves from all
hardship in physical or emotional ways, then we produce weak people.
We will have no spiritual fortitude to withstand loss or the temptation
to hurt others. We might even give up the struggle, altogether,
lash out at circumstance, and end in having little faith, hope
or charity.
Actually I have no choice as to whether I
will take things as they are, only whether I will do it with a
whole heart, or complaining all the way and always looking for
an easier alternative. I have my complaining days, but I need
to see that they are fewer all the time.
This month one does not have to look for
a reminder that life is precious and no chance for good should
be missed. There may not be time or opportunity to grasp those
chances and use them again. Of course there are people being
bombed, mutilated and bereaved all over the world, every day.
The London bombings are not even unusual, let alone unique. And
what a tragic comment that is! It is only that when it is closer
to home, and affects people and places you know, it is far more
immediate to the emotions. Which is, quite naturally, why terrorists
do such things. They know that when we read of mass deaths far
away we are momentarily appalled, then we carry on with our daily
lives as if it were only pictures, not real blood and terror and
death of people just as real as we are. They too have one life,
one body, one family to lose if they are among the dead, or almost
worse, among the living who will be maimed, and perhaps emotionally
damaged the rest of their lives.
We use the words ‘Brother’ and ‘Sister,’
but do we remember the meanings when the faces are of a different
race, colour, speak a different language and have utterly different
customs from ours? God would remember, and that surely answers
any questions about it.
This brings me to a thought I had a few days
ago when things that someone said hurt me so deeply I wanted to
retaliate. It was words that made me feel as if I were a failure
in life, and especially to God. I don’t think they were meant
that way, at least not on a conscious level. Many such remarks
are made in order to boost the self esteem of the person making
them. For that moment they need to say that what they do, and
they are, is not only wonderful, but the only right way to be.
All others are inferior, or worse than that, positively wrong,
useless, displeasing to God.
I couldn’t get it out of my mind. The sense
of being patronized and excluded burned inside me for several
days. I would like to have retaliated and I thought about what
I could say that would briefly make that sister aware of what
she had done, and how it hurt.
Then I realized that I am too vulnerable
to be able to attack anyone else without being demolished myself,
if they should choose to, and I believe that one in particular,
would choose to.
I hope that is not all that was stopping
me!
But — a profound thought struck me like a shaft of light, stopping
all other thoughts or feelings for some time. If we would knowingly
and unnecessarily hurt the vulnerable, as long as we ourselves
feel safe, then we cannot be given the power to do so in
eternity. If we ever become Gods, beyond the vulnerability we
have here, and without the limits of our present small powers,
then we have to have proved beyond any doubt at all that we do
not hurt others, except reluctantly and when absolutely necessary,
and that our judgment is gentle, never prompted by anger or self-protection.
Do we ‘temper the wind to the shorn lamb’? If not, we are not
even ready for advancement, let alone for the power and increase
that are part of the Celestial Kingdom.
So perhaps the whole experience was the beginning
of a new stretch of learning for me? I could make it so.
My friends and I have talked often of how
we need to be more nurturing of each other. It is not a competition
to get into the Celestial Kingdom. There is no end to its size.
We know of seven hundred, thousand million stars already, and
that is only as far as we can perceive. There is room for everyone.
And if we are thinking in terms of who we can exclude, then we
have already tripped ourselves up and fallen.
click to enlarge
Our actions can form a bridge
to others — or a barrier.
If we see the good in others, love it and
praise it, encourage it for what it is, not for how like our own
it may be, or how they conform to our cultural perceptions, then
we will have loved them as we should. We must see and nurture
their courage, integrity, compassion, generosity, gentleness,
honour, and other Christlike qualities. In doing so we will also
have climbed a step higher ourselves and enlarged our own spirits.
Another matter we have discussed recently
is grace and skill in releasing people from callings. It seems
to be an area in which we could improve. A distressingly large
number of people feel rejected, unwanted, let down after release,
especially if the calling was one of considerable responsibility,
and dare I say it, high profile. We often claim that to be an
usher or cleaner is just as important as to be a stake president.
But do we really believe that? I don’t think so.
When we are called to leadership we claim
humility, but in truth people congratulate us as if it were an
achievement. People defer, treat with respect, very often obey.
At meetings leaders are honoured, they preside, they are asked
to perform functions, to speak, to advise. They make the decisions
the rest of us abide by. True, they work hard, carry responsibility
for failure as well as for success. They take the blame for directions
that are unpopular, they are expected to solve problems that are
not their responsibility but our own to address. But it is still
a prominence in the community, and they can feel suddenly very
unwanted when they are released, particularly if they are not
called to any other position quickly. I deeply regret how many
I have seen who then fall entirely inactive!
I think we need to think of two aspects of
callings. One is that people are offered them for two main purposes.
One is to serve the Church — it cannot run except through us.
For this a person called needs to have the capacity to perform
whatever duties are required, if not immediately, then to learn
them within a fairly short time. The other purpose is that they
should learn, through exercising the calling, to develop qualities
of heart, mind and spirit that they did not have before. That
is absolutely as important, in an eternal perspective, more so.
Therefore the person who can fill the calling
most effectively may not be the best person for it at all. Possibly
they have little more to learn in that position, and would benefit
far more from another! Maybe they need to learn humility, how
to stay silent and let another learn, to watch mistakes or inadequacies,
and help — not correct critically and make the other person
feel foolish or publicly humiliated.
Second fiddle is not always easy to play,
especially when you have been a soloist! But helping others to
play solo is a big part of who we need to be, whether we like
it or not. It is not “always about us!” Everybody else matters
just as much.
The best releasing I ever received was, “We
feel that you have learned as much as you can in this calling,
and we would now like to release you with thanks, and offer someone
else the opportunity to learn.”
How could I feel anything but happy and grateful
with that?
But it is not always done with such grace.
Perhaps it should be. Then there would be fewer people leaving
feeling “fired” rather than as if the job had been completed,
and therefore there was nothing more for them to do in that place.
Again, are we nurturing, or jockeying for
position? I have thought about that a lot lately, and can see
a few places for improvement, starting with myself, of course.
I need to understand, and to do. But very often we see faults
in others first, when they hurt us, and only then realize that
we do the same, and it is ugly.
Daily Journeys
Since I last wrote I had a short trip to
Le Havre in Normandy. It was a weekend mystery conference, held
on the beach there, although of course we stayed in the town.
It was enormously enjoyable, they were such delightful people,
and made us very welcome. Of course I ate too much gorgeous French
food, especially the bread, which was crisp and melting fresh
every day, with butter and thick apricot jam, and hot chocolate
for breakfast!
They have the most amazing museum of art
in Le Havre. It is quite small, but houses French impressionist
works by artists such as Corot, Monet, Manet, Renoir, Pissarro,
and English painters such as Sisley, several earlier works of
an Italian called Todeschini (very realistic indeed), and a hundred
or more works of Eugene Boudin — who was local, and painted endless
pictures of cows in still, flat lands with a little water and
marvellous skies. I thought they were wonderful. Every one had
a sense of peace to it, and utter grace of quiet, trusting animals
of great gentleness.
Now I am at home for a while and need to
get down to some uninterrupted work. I have just sent off the
final draft of the fourth World War One story, and when I have
finished this letter I will begin working on the outline for the
next Pitt story, which does not have a name as yet.
How blessed I am to have something to do
that I care about and believe in, and time to do it, peace to
work, and health and friends who will help me. I had better turn
out something that reflects the opportunities I have been given,
with their obligation and privilege to fulfil.
I wish you all the same –- something you
believe in to do –- and all you need in order to do it.
